It’s said that the journey is the goal, but I find that somewhat inaccurate, or at least poorly articulated.
Progress is the goal because that’s the path to the centre.
In a sailboat, progress means nautical miles, but for a sailor and pilgrims alike, progress means fruitful and nourishing environments. It means being exposed to experiences constructively directed at an undeveloped potential. It means being challenged on every quality of one’s being by the relativism of culture and diversity, to be confronted on biased belief’s and inherited faults.
To achieve this, unrestricted sight, that is to say, the total willingness of sacrificing one’s comprehension of reality is mandatory. This means chaos, and the art of it is to chew of just enough to stimulate self-transformation without damage. Willful blindness is, in my opinion, the greatest sin, which is indeed deadly. Ignoring predators implies bad luck.
If we believe to be masters of our soul, then we become their servants. If we are their servants, we must make ourselves their masters, since she needs to be ruled. For our salvation and for the attainment on our soul, we must sacrifice. Thus no sacrifice can be too great for us. If our virtues hinder us from salvation, discard them, since they have become evil to us. The slave to virtue finds the way as little as the slave to vices.
C.G. Jung, The Red Book
This is one of the oldest insights in history, naturally enough because it goes hand in hand with survival. Examples of representations of this are archetype variations of “the good King”, like Osiris in Egyptian mythology and the Abrahamic story of Moses. The stories reflect that if one chooses to ignore bad intentions within the realm of one’s reality, one ends up being scattered in pieces across it, or walking the desert for 40 years. To gain knowledge requires sacrifice, which is by no means pleasant, but the discomfort might act as a compass to the dragons den. In Wace’s King Arthur and the Nights of the Round Table, the knights conclude in their quest to find the holy grail, a symbol of enlightenment, transformation and fertility, to search where they least want to look. In Norse mythology, Odinn, just as Horus in Egyptian mythology, sacrifices one eye to gain knowledge. The same happens in Dante Alighieri’s Dantes Inferno, whereas he has to descend through the nine circles of the purgatory before reaching hell to gain access to heaven. In all these stories and numerous more, there is a heroic or involuntary descent to hell and back.
The case of human civilization is the externalization of responsibility in complex hierarchies of value, and our ability to supervise our behaviour probably bypassed our capacity when reaching group-sizes of more than 70 individuals. That is long ago, and the unbelievable intelligent way of tackling this problem has been through stories, mythology and religion, which over millennia has been refined to transcendent honey of wisdom and taken a life of its own. Sometimes to be lost in its own occultness, sometimes to bear great fruits.
“God is Dead” wrote Nietzsche, whereas he described “the void” left behind by the collective abandonment of religion. The function of religion was not only to add a spiritual structure to comply with, a supportive crutch in the face of existence, but also the dissemination of values created throughout human civilization. When religion became too abstract and diffuse, and the rationality of reason so clear, the tradition that the generations previously bore was extinguished. With it also vanished the foundation of values that are every culture’s spine. We lost not only a crutch to hang our inadequate sense of this reality, but also the understanding of ourselves. That something was sacred and highly respected was left in the domain of faith, and not understood as something fundamental in the struggle for existence and self-restraint. Life loses meaning, and we wonder why. We chase happiness, forget responsibility. We rather believe in the absence of a God than to not believe. Respect as a concept withers in the prism of relativism. The present-day represent a storm with high seas, and if we are not to capsize, humanity as a whole has to manoeuvre with utmost attention and focus.
It is now one year since Chilli crossed the Atlantic ocean, and I can genuinely say the past year has been another journey through all the twelve chapters of progress or growth; Circumambulation, the journey to the centre, the goal of a cycle of growth and start of the next.
It is, therefore, based on a compass directed at values and meaning instead of magnetic poles, that I have come to the enormously difficult conclusion of heading back north to Norway, and let the journey unfold itself further in the land of my roots. I’m also boiling on a considerable project I genuinely want to develop, which hopefully will give the world a little push in a better direction. Another factor is that my trouble with seasickness does not seem to seise, even after 10 000nm and intense research on every remedy that might cure it.
A quick summary of the last six months (since the previous blog… sorry…) It has been a rather intense collection of chapters, with a lot of sailing, many countries, and a considerable amount of reading, thinking and writing for my studies.
I’ve also decided to release some of my work for you to “enjoy” – HERE, and a list over my largest inspirational sources which I really recommend – (Books, websites, Youtube, + reading list) – HERE
Brazil (Belèm, Soure)
Started online-studies: History of Idèas (which is somewhat to blame for the inconsistency of updates)
Brazil – Suriname (Paramaribo) with Filipe (4+3 days, stop in Fr. Guyana)
Little sis, Nora, appears!
Suriname – Grenada, with quick rest in Tobago. (4+1 days)
Grenada – St. Martin (3 days)
Guro, a friend of Nora, joins
St. Martin – Dominican Republic (Semana) (3 days)
DR – Cuba (Puerto Vita) (4 days)
Puerto Vita – Havana (4 days)
Goodbye to Guro
Hello Ingrid, bye Ingrid
University exams at the Norwegian embassy in Havana
Juliana joins Chilli
Havana – Cayman Island ( 5 days and a storm)
Little sis disappear
Cayman Island – Jamaica (Kingston)
Climbed Caribbeans highest mountain, Blue Mountain Peak
Kingston – Cayman Island
Cayman Island – Jamaica (Montego Bay (current location))
Now we are enjoying calm days in the vast greenness of Jamaica, and will stay, at least in the country, for a good while before deciding on the route back north.
This year has been wild. It seems like a lifetime and just yesterday at the same time Chilli left Oslo, 10.07.18. The departure was the end of the by far most chaotic and intense three years of my life, and on departure the boat was an absolute mess. I was an absolute mess, and my ex-girlfriend likewise. It took some weeks before we stabilized somewhat to not spontaneously be on the brink of tears because of exhaustion. I`m still looking back to that time with fear, but at the same time it was a enormously satisfying challenge!
It was surprisingly hard to finally leave Norway, I must admit it was a tear in my eye when we left Hidra for Shetland, knowing that I did not know when I would see Norway again. It was a huge feeling of meaninglessness, and it kept with me for several months. Questions of why and what the hell I was doing, who did I do it for, what did I expect to get out of it. Had I just been lost in a frienzy of thousends of practical problems and challenges with the random result of a circumnavigation?
Anyway, here I am, Belém, Brazil, 1 year after. I understand why now.
// Update; Chilli is back on the water after almost two months on land for repairs and new antifouling. The wooden cradle broke during the operation of getting back in the water, and would it have failed 2minutes earlier it could mean the end of the boat. Close call. See instagram for full story. Anyway, it feels like being reborn to be back on the water, wow. Looking forward ro receive my sister in Suriname in September, and start new studies in August, online!
Hello world! Life is pretty insane as always, and more than ever after my arrival back to Belèm. Life breath. After the two months more or less as a hermit in Soure, I returned to the city with just enough understanding of the language that it allowed me a completely new ticket to this society and to experience being a part of a community this different to the west has needless to say been “other-worldly”. Much thanks to a absurdly encounter of a now true friend for life, Fillipe, whom have taken us on some mindbogglingly adventures the past weeks.
As some of you know, on my passage back to Belèm I got a serious problem with the boat. More specifically it was the bearing supporting the axle through the hull (between the engine and propeller) which dissapaired, leaving me with a heartbreaking banging sound when motoring. After three weeks and a tremendous amount of adrenaline Chilli was brought on land, and still is, now four weeks later. The axle repair took two days, but im using the opportunity to to a complete refit of the bottom paint (and scraping down 10 years of paint takes time..) Looking at finishing in about a week.
Update; last Thursday, while fighting some bottom-paint, the 1,20m structure I stood and worked on collapsed, resulting in a straight fall, chin first in the asphalt. Five stings in the chin, strained ankle, wrist and jaws. Luckily ‘m in the best hands, with friends helping me with everything from navigating the medical system, making me dinners and making sure I have what I need! I’m recovering in an completely ridiculous speed, so I believe I’ll survive!
One doesn`t exactly get fat by working full time scarping the hull, and drink Ayahuasca every weekend
I understood fairly early in life that pleasure is not necessarily suppose to be pleasurable. Humans are simply not designed to be only happy (as certain aspects of the current world leads us to believe). Pleasure therefore became voluntary suffering, where I would maneuver myself to explore and expand my limits, knowledge and understanding. We will suffer anyway so lets make the best of it, be the one who choose, be the one who invite.
In this quest my interest in the psyche really ignited about the age of 15, experimenting with meditation and later hypnosis. A few years later it may be no surprise that I found the introduction to alcohol and marijuana extraordinary interesting. Luckily, I was at the same time pretty hard computer nerd, and knew how to research. I researched everything. I understood what was bad, and what was less bad, and what`s not bad. By this I bypassed the the (especially at the time) standard belief system of putting everything except coffee, paracetamol and alcohol in the same big ugly category of drugs.
Despite the dangers of life, always live for the sake of Self-transformation
Nietzsche – Zarathustra
This journey continued through my early 20th, experimenting with LSD, Psilocybin and MDMA. Some of the absolutely most important experiences for my development, and the end of years of depression. Moving to the UK did`t actually restrict the supply of psychotropics, but a darker truth of how a culture heavily based upon substances came forth. The UK is collectively alcoholics, and has an extremely damaging party culture. The goal of a week is to stop being hangover, usually by breaking and drinking more, and wait for the weekend to get smashed (How to mid-life crisis..). I had friends getting lost to cocaine, alcohol, weed and ecstasy, and I lost more and more interest in participating in this reality in my last years in the UK. It did`t support life. I withdrew, and gained a huge interest in health and foods. Being alive seemed like a lot better idea than continuously try to kill my self. Half a year later I found found Ayahuasca, now five years a go. I found the opposite of what society was struggling with. Support of Life.
December 2014 I received my fist batch of the master plants, and had my first journeys. The same Christmas I came back to Norway as a light, and regained contact with my father after years of bad waters. The same Christmas I got the idea and decided to do the circumnavigation. I would not have been sailing without the influence of Ayahuasca.
Knowledge should always be sought first and foremost for the purpose of energizing Life.
The point I`m making is that Ayahuasca is a tool to unveil the potential of life and the human experience the same way my vessel, Chilli, is a tool to unveil the potential of learning, experience and relatively understand a part of the world, and the more one know and understand, the more one may contribute to align this reality in to something better. I ought to participate in that responsibility. To do so I have to keep my head out of the sand, not compromised and dysfunctional, but sharp and resourceful. Dare to face, to see, to manifest and practice things not for the purpose of pleasure or happiness, but to positive progression of the whole. It has not been easy, time after time, hanging over the side of the boat puking my guts out due to seasickness, but I do not stop. It has not been easy giving up alcohol, sugar and every other destructive drug, which to a horrifying degree defines the current human society, but it is no longer a part of me. It does not support life, do contribute negatively to inevitable future, and directly opposes the much needed progression in the countless critical challenges we subjectively and collectively are faced with. This is unconscious consumption, and unconscious consumption is our time biggest sin. This behavior has to die.
Your responsibility is to sharpen and wield the tools that makes you you, because if not, you are in best case dead-weight to humanity, contributing only on the journey down to the abyss, because hell exist, and it is not a place you go after you die. It is something growing in to our very reality when we do not pay attention.
On the bright side, the world is full of things that does not try to kill us, but rather to a immensely fascinating degree makes us more alive, and sustain it! I theorize that the reason humanity is much more caught up with the opposite is that escaping reality, that is to say, out of the conscious action, limit conscious capacity and induce sleep, is to stay on safe grounds. You don`t dare explore the deep woods at night, but then you also may not discover the forest-fire before it`s too late. Escaping “in to” reality is uncomfortable. One sees things, see truth, and this amplify the need to stay alert, resourceful, strong, alive. The red pill.
There is a scale to “how alive”. On the one end one is unconscious, deprived of sensory input and with no output. Nothing matters, because one is not a part of it. Sleep. On the other side the life-experience is an unbearable overload of information, every life process is revealed and existence is an absolute prison. Everything matter, everything is your responsibility and burden to bare, the continuation of life as a whole is on your dependence.
– what to desire?
Ayahuasca is far from the only tool to pursue an amplification of life and is just as sailing around the world, not for everyone. But taking responsibility for ones own life is a contract we signed on our parents conception (free will? maybe not completely).
What I fundamentally want to inspire to is that you, my beautiful tribe of followers, explore what might improve you to be you!
In my studies of health, bio-hacking, psychology, sleep, psychotropic and medicinal plants I’ve come across some gems, and the result of this (other than me functioning like superman, and able to bob around in the high seas alone) is a comprehensive paper I call “Sailors Life – Upgraded”, attempting to summarize these discoveries. Im sending it out on personal requests, but do not want to make it public just yet. Send me a mail if you`re eager to explore 🙂
The further plan is stay until August, where as my visa runs out, and sail to Suriname (unless I get another extension!) By then I will have completed the Stop It At Source campaign in Marajó, and built my self a life here it will be heartbreaking difficult to leave.
The hart beat is in the river. It pulses two times a day, and functions on a no less sophisticated way than our own vascular system in regards to its surrounding environment, but with a vast array of content. Some of this content certainly makes every swim in the river slightly more exiting than else where, knowing that electric eels, violent pink dolphins, penis-fish, crocodiles, crocodile-eating-anacondas and anaconda-eating-piranhas swims freely around me. My neighbors dog at Ilha das Oncas was by the way eaten a couple of weeks ago.
But this is presumably a natural consequence of a hyper-alive reality, where the way is: eat AND be eaten, which is, looking at quality of life, way more useful than having the curse of being conscious of the possibility of being eaten all the time, as we humans has managed to develop. This world is certainly a bit chilly on me (being used to that Striking-Snake (huggorm) is the most, and Only dangerous thing of Norwegian wildlife), but at the same time somewhat seductive; being immediate close to certain death, similar to the pitch black sea while sailing offshore alone in the night. If I trip, I`m dead. A feeling that the power of the apple is wearing of, in addition to a slight inspiration emitted by the still primordial-minded animals. No filters between, no security nets to catch if I fail, no possible help (sorry mom). Glimpsing true chaos through the blended layers of a highly sophisticated order. It`s amazing what it`s possible to get used to!
Unfortunate for this, and most other parts of the world, humans broke out of their prehuman metaphysical habitat (while still being able to talk snake, ending up eating apples, must be trippy) and created their own artificial structure in between appropriate layers of primordial relative function. This “outside world” proved way too dangerous and complicated for us to survive in without more artificial stuff like plastic and aluminium. Even though the “well watered” Amazon is possible the worlds most alive area, it is straight out horrendous to see how it is treated. It acts as the public renovation system; is your TV broken, throw it in. Is the trash bin of your restaurant full (and you happen to be located on the riverbank) throw it in. Do you produce aluminium? Lie about accidental emissions of highly toxic waste (throw it in). Eden is being destroyed. Maybe it had been better if Eve was eaten?
More on that later.
Ok, so a quick update (I promise, im not actually nihilistic, life still has meaning, and it`s worth fighting for the continuity of it. Just need to say; shame on you Europe, bad morality. 1492 was NOT a start of something good).
Oh yes, I`m still living on a boat, in Amazonas. Stuff are interesting, but no matter where you are, life is life, and here life is seriously life. The last backpacker, Alex, which have sailed with me since Las Palmas (December) continued his journey a couple of weeks ago (All the best to you amigo!), the lifesaving Swiss-Brazilian couple we sailed with since we arrived in Belem where on their limit of permitted stay (before the boat had to be taxed in) and had to leave Soure (which im currently in), Pus has found a new family (buhuuu!! :/)(not the engine “Pus”, shes still here and now finally working again), meaning i`m now truly solo again. First time since Portugal! It`s amazing how quickly one learn a language when absolutely no one talks English, aka. my Portuguese has gone from being non-existent to only be pretty shit, which is a tremendous development in my eyes!
Otherwise I use a lot of time on educating my self in the best way possible for the inevitable future, while trying to ignore the continuously growing list of broken things and maintenance on the boat (I &@£€ REALLY HAS TO CONTINUE WORKING ON SOON). For some reason ever since arriving in Brazil everything decided to break down; engine, anchor system, bilge pump, solar panels, wind generator, HF radio, lights, two phones, a hard drive (with all content for the Atlantic crossing ): my MacBook (no more videos, sorry)(containing the photo library and written documents, only backup on the drive that failed), toilet, hatch, in addition to some water leaks (it`s rain-season, it seriously rains a lot atm). In addition I also just managed to cut open my foot badly on a hermetic can. Otherwise I`ve more or less completely given up alcohol and sugar (no need for substances to dig my head down in the sand with when it is possible to stare reality straight in its eyes all the time!)(and no, no other substances either), are fasting for 18-20 hours every day and have gotten a tremendous hangup on Frèdèric Chopin and C.Jung. I`m not going insane, promise. Isolation just implies less boundaries of self allowed existence-exploration.
Further plan? Sailing north to French Guiana/Suriname (in a month or two) before probably staying in Tobago/Grenada until the end of hurricane season.
Everything went smooth, still floating, mast still standing, we did NOT run out of butter, cheese or chilli-sauce (no pun intended), and nothing broke!
We used 17 days on 1800nm, startet pretty rough with F 8-9 first two days, after that stable sailing wind with only two days of no wind. Made seven cakes, caught two fish, lost all fishing-gear (not proud of that), was accompanied by a huge Blue Marlin for a while (see pic), did not throw each other (or our self) overboard!
Closing in on the South American continent we got (two) a reel taste of tropical storms, as from going from no wind to F 10 (full storm) in matter of 2 minutes, lying flat in the water, bitch black darkness, trying to de-rig spinnaker pole and reefing mainsail, and not filling the boat with water. Pretty happy the seawater temp. is about 30 degrees and not 2 when beeing washed down.
The water changed from true-blue to brown-green, the smell of freshwater and vegetation accompanied by birds and surprisingly butterflies waked as second layer of fluid on the sea, and finally a green horizon under the ever changing massive sky formations, an amazing feeling of beeing welcomed back to earth, where apes thrive. Ocean are something we may master, never conquer, coexist with, but not inhibit.
We finally found the marina (I just hoped still existed, the only one in a city with two million people), when gazing upon the might number of sailboat- masts; three. We are now the only non-Brazilian boat in this massive city, and entrance of Amazonas. This country is a wasp hive of internal conflicts (more on that later), and the crime-rate has really gone through the roof last years.
Brazil is a seriously new chapter for this expedition and the plan for now is to stay for a good while. Lots of work to be done! The possibility of going further up-river seems unlikely because of the pirate activity, in addition to the already challenging environment of anchoring in the rivers.
For now we rest, get through a good list of maintenance on the boat, and enjoy the tastes of this fantastic land.
Olivia and Felix has departed to continue their adventures (all the best to you guys!), and Alex remains for the time being, slaving away with the production of mosquito nets.
Unfortunately my MacBook has died, so Im not able to put out any more videos More content of Brazil and Belèm will follow in not too long!
“Øff?” – the more or less only word in my French vocabulary which might lead to breakfast. The lovely old lady which held (lived?) in the local cafe and creperie looked at me as if I where from a different planet. Luckily Mathias had about 2000% more than me words in his repertoar, and we ended up having our first meeting with the french kitchen, this early morning in September.
Here in L`aber Wrach met we for the first time the challenge of languages, and when not speaking the language, you`re a stranger in a very different manner. You do represent a challenge to everyone you meet, in terms of mostly communicating through body language, and to this Bretagnian woman of about 65, English was about as Greek for her as French was for us, with only German as third language. She decided to have her morning coffee together with us, and it all ended up beeing a really nice breakfast with conversations across French/Norwegian, and what we talked about neither could say, but it did`t matter. To her we represented nothing else than two overtired, happy and mostly grateful trolls who had`t seen anything but each other and water for a few days. To others we might represent tourists, sailors, smuglers, friends, competition, walking wallets, or something reassembling aliens from a different part of the world with unknown opportunities to do what ever we want.
It was hard to leave the culinary feast the French kitchen and food supplies offered, but felt great to finally set sail across the Biscay. We waited for the weather for about two weeks and through two storms, as crossing mid September is fairly late for this area. In La Coruna we met Alibaba, which are now in Rio, Brazil. Further we sailed to Vigo, Biona and Porto, where Mathias disembarked to continue hes journey, and I became solo-sailor.